Stress cadet

Happy Birthday Erwin 4:36am

“I think I’m afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens.” -Charlie Brown

Have been eating a lot these few days. My family’s awesome. Sunday. Parents were free so we headed for an advance celebration. Monday. Aunt bought me dinner that almost killed me. I beeped Nicole in the ladies cubicle and asked her which’s the easiest and quickest way to puke. Bulimic freak.

Smtg’s gnawing at me - personal. My poor heart is brrreaking, am like brutally beaten inside? Cant help but to retrace my memory dammit. Thats why I want to rant. I just want to quit, surrender and give in to fate now!! Even I do not know myself well, so what do you guys think of me? Dear heart, you’ll be healed someday so dont worry.

Wont be blogging much over here. The other space’ll be kept confidential cos I need to pen doown my personal emotional thoughts.

This is getting worse. After feb will I be seeing you again?

This sucks, totally. 5:08am

Hi omg I need to complain!! :’( WHERE WAS EVERYONE WHEN I NEEDED SOMEBODY!! Ok lemme go into brief details of what happened

Shit shoot shucks an hour ago Aarone told me to come out of my room cos he wanted to show me smtg. And gues swhat it was a stupid lizard, but I was still afraid so yah I bugged him to chase it off. Then it went inside Moms room, for a moment I was feeling happy. (as long as it doesnt go into my room) A while l8r I took the whole lizard thing off my mind and continue to text Syahiran (…………..)

AND!! 1/2 hour l8r I went to check my calender which is on my desk. Then I saw this lizard staring at me!! JUST BESIDE MY HAND. Omfg I threw the calender and jumped on my bed. Started chanting “get lost” and begged “please” a million times but it just kept lying on the same spot. I stood on my bed (the very far end) and pray that it wont get any nearer to me. BUT IT JUST KEPT STARING AT ME!! AT MY DIRECTION. And I started to cry because I was so frightened I couldnt do anything!! Oh my god I jsut stood on my bed and we stared at each other for so long. Thats like freaking disgusting and eew omgz. Crazy lizard, tengok ape tengok sia!!

During the whole time, I could only wait for Syahiran’s reply. And thats the only one thing to keep me accompany besides staring at the dumb fuckign lizard. Syahiran was trying to help, he told me to stare back at the lizard since it keeps staring cos it might be a gangster lizard. Another thing, he told me to roar like a lion at the lizard, IT MIGHT HELP. But doesnt help!! I was so silly I tried to roar (ok I admit I was stupid) but at that time I just did what Syahiran suggest to me cos my mind was blank. But doesnt help doesnt help!! It didnt move an inch. STUBBORN OLD FART. IRRITATING USELESS EUDHDJKXXOPQW LIZARD :(

Gahhh then I decided I should do smtg brave so I crushed a paper and threw at it and even though my eyes were so filled with tears and FEARS I hit its head. I think I did. Yahcos I heard a “thud” sound and it quickly hid between my physics files. Thats when I got the chance to dash out of my room. Those worksheets, homg I swear am gona get my Mom to throw them away. I SWEAR I’LL NEVER TOUCH THEM ANYMORE!! Eew wtf kurangajah effing stupid lizard ughhhh

I came on9 and Nicole talked to me. She said I was crazy to cry over a lizard. It’s fine now just that I was rly hell frightened and didnt know what to do :( Oh I need to add on that, in case I die tonight. THIS MIGHT BE THE REASON WHY. I’ve a phobia of lizards since young and I donno when will I ever overcome this fear, sigh

Gross. For the next 24hours am not gonna go back to my room. Since Dads not at home I’ll just sleep with Mom tonight. No, I dont think I can even sleep. I’m done complaining here. Thank you. I’ll neevr forget what happened tonight. Dad used to chase off pests for me, and I’m missing you already Daddy, so get your ass back

Syahiran: “Give the lizard 10 mins then it’ll die from the shock of a meteorite hitting it (crushed paper). Then you gotta face your fear of a DEAD lizard ^^” What the helll? Ok maybe I should “go pretend to be happy” now (force a smile) Shouldnt let a dumb lizard affect my mood and oh c’mon it’s saturday man!! I hope this doesnt give all of you smtg to laugh about, I’m not a clown ok. Read: Xiaoyin’s blog is making me hungry ok doesnt make sense but her blog has pictures of yummy foods, as always! And I am hungggry now ok makan!!

I’ll wait till the sun rises = Day time = No lizards = No longer scared = No cryings and I’ll go to sleep. Oh-my-god this is a very long wordy post

Dvd outbreak 4:22om

Wanted to do smtg different for my birthday this year whichs to celebrate with my family but since parents are not free again Dads decided to bring the celebration forward. Just a dinner and I’ll be more than just happy. Pls pray for me that I wont end up like 2008 where I’d to wear snowcap on my big day. Dassyali please stop calling me lian or I really have to flush you.

1:14am

I spent the past 7 minutes pulling my fringe. Sucks.

Gonna stay home for at least a week and shampoo my hair a million times before I can step out of the house with thick and not-so-straight hair. I feel so shitty. 2 weeks to my birthday can someone bring over hair growth shampoo for me!!

“I’m the evil xia jian person I’m the mojojojo u’re the powerpuff girl I’m the ugly squidword u’re cute little spongebob.” hahahaha this cracks me up ok bet you guys don’t understand whats going on but for me it’s hilarious

I’m very thirsty now

I miss Mom

I miss my curly wurlys

Each month I’ll whine over my new hairstylewalao

Just a quick post here. I’m still in Nic’s pjs and I had a very good sleep last night. Teybey at 3am finally I feel normal; that I can sleep. AND I DIDNT DREAM FOR THE FIRST TIME how awesome

Oh!! Nic burnt my hand and there’s no lotion cream now :( Pain’s still killing mee k gotta go nao ciao!

Hi first post of year 2009. I bet 0/10 will read this post

Still rmb early last year Whit was in sg and she was like: “Your hair can’t make it let me do a complete makeover for you bet u’ll look much sexier.” And up till today I still can’t forget how horrible I looked like after the haircut. My hair was acceptable before she snipped it off! But it turned out so short and hideous I had to put on snowcap for months. HAHAHA STOP LAUGHING TO YOURSELF NMWL

I’d spent half of my time waiting for his letter replies and was looking forward to the day he’s gona be released but year 2008 I decided I should repudicate that relationship though after that all his friends started spreading rumours around. He always complain in his letters that I’ve been so busy that I took so long to reply him. But the fact was that I no longer loved him. If you see this one day, I’m really sorry for the decision made but you must know that I was sick of lying and eluding myself with the truth. Patience’s never in my dictionary and byright you’ll be released this month but what have you done again? I don’t get you seriously don’t, even after so many punishments and lessons you still cant turn over a new leaf. Guess till today you still can’t accept this but hopefully you’ll. You may call me selfish for all you want but I’ve my life too. All the best and hope you’ll be wiser in future don’t disappoint your parents again

Late 2008 I’ve been seeing him a lot (after I hang out with TEAM) Indeed jealous whenever I see him so sweet towards his gf and I could only observe him from a distance WALAO NMWL DON’T LAUGH yup jealousy’s immature and ungenerous. year 2009 I’ll always tell myself that jealousy does ntg to help me evolve into the best person I could be. He’s the boy I’ve been admiring since primary school yawww omg my cheeks feel hot now &NMWL YOU TOLD MICHE ABOUT THE DARK SECRET I TOLD YOUUUU! GONA KILL YOU

Each year we make new friends and meet new people. I’ve met a lot of nice people to mean people to heart breakers. I met all sorts of people through working as well.

I miss Abbas so much bet he’s happy off with his gf. Miss Danny at times but not as much as Abbas though. I miss times when I’d hide in nyny kitchen to steal fries and all Amirul could do was to shake his head. I miss happy times when I get extremely crazy with Carrie and it’s been really long since we last met. I miss having Dassyali as my best friend and all the movie marathons and lame jokes we shared. He’s the best thing thats happened to me. I miss times when I see Devil every single day and now we’re drifting further. I miss talking to skinny Haniz every weekdays. I miss trying to start another topic whenever shy Heidi gave short replies. I miss everything about Joley esp her puppies. I miss Maisur’s shy and handsome Zac Effron face. (Oh I definitely miss his long hair cos he’s botak now) I miss times when I lepak over at Mell syg’s. I miss Meow’s vroom2. I miss Rain’s smile. I miss Sab’s handshake. I miss talking to Sherna during Math lesson and miss driving Mr Heng mad. I miss conversations with Syahiran I really miss those times when we talked almost every night. I miss Syugah’s kisses and bum trademark. I miss practically eevrything about Wiyah. I miss Zainul’s irritating messages. I miss them all :( I miss the old Anthea, the one Syahiran (and I believe many others too) missed. When will I be that cheerful again?

For year 2009:

1. I’ll eliminate the word “hate” from my vocab cos it brings me down as a person and yup it’s a waste of energy hahaha
2. No tokyo drift with Miche and Nicole ark ka liao till the end
3. Dont wait until it’s too late to tell those who’re important to me how special they’re (ahyah still shycatz)
4. Stop hiding myself. Got this from a book-The longer I’m unable to look at myself honestly the longer I’ll be immersed in emotional pain. Life is full of richness and rewards(yah riggght); it would be a shame to waste it.
5. Dont be lazy and stop procrastinating. Mug hard for o’s!
6. I hope to spend more time with parents.
7. I hope I’ll appreciate all that I have
8. I’ll not start any sentence with “I cant” cos my mind will accept it as so. And I won’t go far or accomplish my goals that way

Anw these are just part of my new years resolutions there’s actually more. Now it’s time for the pictures! Not all cos I could only find these but it took me quite some time to upload them. Oh my god I can’t believe I’ve typed this much.